While I was sitting in the train, on the way home from work, I was in a happy mood. I had a digital camera in my possession and I couldn't wait to get home and take some photos. I was already imagining many photos that I could take with my housemates and the AIESECers.
Everyone in my house was a willing participant. As a result, I have some good pictures of me eating unusually thick toast, scarf tug-o-war, and me banging my head against my bedroom architecture. I took fewer pictures at the AIESEC Monday drinks, but there are nevertheless some good ones. I have a nice photo of me picking up Judith. I have to thank Lia (for taking the photo) and Daniel (for teaching me how to stealthfully pick up girls) for making such a photo possible.
There is also a photo of me and Judith looking depressed after she conveyed to me the sad news that she hadn’t made it to the next round of the AIESEC Auckland CEED selection.
Aside from taking silly photos, I also wanted to tell the AIESECers about how I felt on Saturday and what their contribution was. I wasn’t sure how to start that conversation, but in the end, I didn’t have to. Lia asked me how I felt about Saturday and whether I was angry about them speaking only Dutch throughout the evening. I confirmed that it had made me angry and I wasn’t sure what to do in such a situation. She said that, next time, I should not be afraid to ask them to speak more English. She had only realized the effect that the evening had on me, after I had left the house, and she was sorry about the whole event. I am glad that we had that conversation, and it has improved the impression that I have about the AIESECers.
posted by James 5:49 pm
Paul has just let me borrow his digital camera. That's so generous! It's almost the same as Vanessa's camera, so I already know how everything works. I'll take some pictures at the Monday drinks, tonight, and see how they turn out.
posted by James 7:57 pm
When I went to bed on Friday night, I had the beginnings of a sore throat. So, I welcomed an extended sleep-in on Saturday morning. The highlight of the morning was buying a loaf of bread from the nearest bakery and preparing extra-thick hot toast. (I think I will make this a weekend ritual).
The AIESECers had organised a wine tasting as a "receptions event" and we were to meet in front of the McDonalds in the city centre at 2:30pm. Due to my sore throat, I was toying with the idea of not going. In the end, I decided to go. I chose to go, more because I wanted to spend some time with the AIESECers, than because I especially wanted to go to a wine tasting. When the time came, there were six AIESECers and I was the only trainee there.
We completed a "Wijn Smaak Test" (Wine Taste Test) for ten different wines and gave ratings for each one. At the end, we got a print-out saying which types of wine we prefer and suggested purchases that we could make. The instructor probably wasn't expecting me, but he took care in explaining everything in English. I appreciated that. Whenever anyone speaks to the group in English, I know that it's for my benefit, so I make a point of paying extra attention - to be respectful.
After the wine tasting, an offer was made to have dinner at Ilse's. What happened next was very systematic and organised - something that I have noticed about Dutch culture, generally. Five of us went back to Ilse's and had tea, while Lia and Jasper biked to the supermarket to purchase the ingredients required for dinner. When they returned, everyone played their part in helping to make the dinner. We were seated around the dining table in the kitchen - each person chopping up a different ingredient. After dinner, everyone helped by either being part of the washing up process, or putting the clean dishes in their proper place.
For almost the entire time that I was there, everyone spoke in Dutch. Perhaps I have to expect that, as it is a much easier language for them to converse in. Still, it left me feeling very isolated. At first, I would listen intently to their conversation, looking for words that I recognise, and try to understand what they were generally talking about. This became tiring very quickly. So, I would drift into a state of daydreaming about funny scenarios and remembering the lyrics to my favourite songs. In summary, I just didn't want to be there.
I realise that I wasn't being very proactive and my sitting there, daydreaming, was probably contributing to my loneliness. I don't know what I should do. Should I randomly start a conversation in English? Should I keep asking them what they are talking about? Both of these options seem rude - interrupting a conversation, or butting into one that doesn't involve me. So, I would feel uncomfortable about doing it. I need some inspiration.
Another observation I have about the Dutch people that I have met so far, is that they are concerned with money matters. Everyone should pay for their share and settle their debts promptly. When Lia came around to my place with the towels, she was concerned about being compensated for it, that day. The same thing happened after the dinner at Ilse's. I had said that I was going home because I really needed to do my laundry (translation: I'm going home because I'm so bored here). So, Jasper said that I owed him 4 euro for what was bought for the dinner. My pocket was full of loose change (about 20 small coins) so, with evil pleasure (and a little bit of spite) I dumped all of it on the table in front of him. I think there was slightly more than 4 euro there, but I didn't care. I told him to keep the change. I feel that friends do small favours for each other and don't expect payment for it - they know that things will even out in the long run.
(After typing the above paragraph, I realise I may have been a bit harsh. Lia would have spent about 20 euro, and Jasper, 30 euro - which are not insignificant amounts of money for a student. Perhaps it is not so unreasonable for them to expect to be paid back as soon as they did. Yet, I still think they have a concern about money of a level that I'm not used to).
A strong suspicion that I currently have about the AIESECers here is that they do everything by the exchange manual, yet, somehow, miss the point. They organise many things called "reception events", yet I would much prefer being invited to something as a friend. Even the Monday night drinks seems like it comes from an official receptions planning document. If someone is nice to me, I want it to be because they want to be nice to me - not solely because it is in their role description as an incoming exchange member. Sometimes I get paranoid about this.
On the way home, my sore throat was bothering me. In retrospect, it was foolish of me to have done all of the cycling that I did that day. The weather was of the depressing type that most people associate with the Netherlands when they are complaining. It was cold, it looked like it had just been raining, it looked like it was about to rain, but it never did.
When I got home, I realised that I hadn't done the shopping. So, I slowly cycled to the supermarket. It was an inconvenience that I couldn't avoid because all of the shops are closed on Sundays. When I finally got back to the house (for good), I was on autopilot. I instinctively made myself dinner. (It was only halfway through making it that I realised that I had already had dinner at Ilse's house!) I spent the rest of the evening drinking hot tea, to soothe my sore throat, and doing cryptic crosswords.
If I examine this traineeship according to the information in the AIESEC traineeship learning log, then I am certain that I have moved into the phase of "cultural depression". On Saturday night, I was definitely at a low, due to the combination of everything: a frustrating relationship with my boss, feeling lonely even with the AIESECers, the cold weather and my sore throat. By 1:30am, I still couldn't get to sleep. My sore throat was really bothering me. Trying not to make too much noise, I crept downstairs to the kitchen and ran a tall glass of cold water from the tap. As I sat at the dining table, slowly sipping the water, the only sound was the ticking of the kitchen clock. That moment was the first time on this traineeship that I really wanted to just go home - back to New Zealand.
Upon returning to my room, I decided to follow the self-evident truth of "if you can't fall asleep, then stay awake". So, I picked up my "Toastmasters" magazine and started reading an article about humour. One paragraph really struck a chord with me at the time. "The act of laughter, created by someone's different interpretation of a common event, makes loneliness and fear disappear. Mirth brings unity and, whether it's with smiles or laughter, guides the way out of any tunnel". Well, I was in the "tunnel" of cultural depression, and making myself laugh seemed like good advice. I began reading the rest of "The Wrong Way Home", a humorous book about an Australian writer's experience backpacking from London to Sydney. I also cracked open a packet of kiwifruit chocolate which I had in my bedside drawer. Reading about another person's funny experiences and eating my favourite confectionary successfully calmed me down. By 3:15am, I had finished the book and I was in a much better state to fall asleep.
I know that my traineeship sounds miserable at the moment, but I am treating this stage as a personal challenge to overcome. I know, in my heart, that things will get better. I just haven't found yet found the answers.
posted by James 7:55 pm